Write The Theme Tune, Sing The Theme Tune - the 70s.

Ah the 70s, a time of disco, glam rock and funk, so much funk. You couldn't turn on your TV without being slapped in the face by a bass line or horn section, usually accompanied by images of men BEING MANLY, which is so wonderfully illustrated by The Professionals credits:

I mean look at them, just look at them, they're out of that car so damn quickly that I'm pretty sure they weren't wearing seat belts because real men laugh in the face of road safety. If you'd travelled back in time and give them an airbag they'd probably fuck it and then punch you in the face. Which is nothing compared to what they'd do to you if you where wearing a black t-shirt with a number on it, because real men hate maths. Real men are also professionally trained to throw themselves threw windows, to quote Superman 2 "Don't you people ever use doors?"(1) All joking aside it's a great opening sequence that gets you suitably pumped up for some 70s style arse kicking.

Of course sometimes an intro and theme tune will trick you into thinking what you're about to see will be truly exciting television:

   

It all starts off so well, we get shots of the big stars Martin Landau and Barbara Bain (2) quickly followed by the title itself and then WHOLLY SHIT CHECK OUT THAT BASS! We get the funk in full gear while we have a montage of quick clips from this weeks episode, which seem to involve a lot of people quickly moving their heads indicating they're perhaps fighting some kind of alien whiplash. It then moves back to over the top orchestration and finishes on a final funk flourish, by now you're totally pumped up for some exciting sci-fi! This is going to be awesome you think to yourself and then reality brings you down to earth and you remember you're watching Space 1999.

 But how about one of the BBCs science fiction efforts? Does Blakes 7 stand up?

It doesn't look as flashy as Space 1999 but it nicely tells the very basics of Blake without any narration. We see a futuristic dome(3), a pixulated Blake being tortured and then we have a clever cut from a space camera to a mask wearing space guard. And then Dudely Simpson's (4) music gets increasingly dramatic we see Blake's face with the words ELIMINATE under it. Just when things can't get any grimmer the music sudden lifts and we fade into space space and a drawing of The Liberator  flies straight towards us. Finally with an orchestral florish the logo appears, which I've always admired for the fact they took the Federation symbol from Star Trek and turned it 90 degrees to the right, I can't help but feel that Paramounts winged lawyers would swoop down if they tried it today.  In many ways the cheap animation makes me think of Terry Gilliam's Monty Python animations. Perhaps somewhere there's an uncut version in which the Liberator is squashed by a giant foot.

 Now because I am nothing if not predictable lets revisit the Doctor Who opening, more specifically the one used from 1974 - 1980. 

        

Along with the original opening we look at last time this is probably the most iconic in the series history, it is also the first time the Tardis and a tunnel featured in the same credit sequence, mottiffs that still feature in the shows credits today. It's also the most terrifying the show had simply for the fact that it features Tom Baker's face giving you his coldest dead-eyed stare yet, even at its Hinchcliffe best the show never managed to be quite as terrifying as that.

 Have I missed any? Of course I have, why not be true to the internet and inform me in a slightly pissy manner within the comments section.


1. Or possibly misquote, it's been years since I last saw it.
2. Given the way she turns I can only presume she's been placed on some kind of potters wheel. 
3. Take a shot if you're playing the Terry Nation Drinking Game
4. I certainly think that out of his late 70s work this is probably his best piece, it's at least equal to that bit in City Of Death, you know when they're running round Paris and if you've ever seen it I bet you're humming away now. 

The Terry Nation Drinking Game.

God bless Terry Nation, as the creator of Blake's 7, Survivors, co-creator of the Daleks(1) and writer of The House In Nightmare Park his influence on television science fiction can still be felt today. It would however not be unfair to say that Terry had certain plot points that he liked to make repeated use of. But fear not, for we can turn these quirks of writing to our advantage and ensure that a knowledge of his works will make us a whiz at parties, because ladies and gentleman I present: 

The  Terry Nation Drinking Game. 

Now obviously some of these will apply to certain programmes more than others but there should be enough to make sure that no matter what your choice of viewing you'll end up pleasantly tipsy(2). The rules are exceptionally simple, every time you see one of the following on-screen take a shot of your favourite alcohol beverage

• A character called Tarrant.
• The story takes place in a hostile jungle.
• There are parallels between the villains and Nazis.
• Every time plague or disease is mentioned.
• A Dalek make a 'surprise'(3) appearance at the end of episode 1.
• There an exciting countdown at the end.
• A character make a heroic sacrifice.
• The story take place in a post apocalyptic wasteland.
• A race been reduced to savagery because of technological failure.
• There is a traitor in the heroes' midst.
• The Daleks subdued the local population and forced them into slavery.
• A villain have a physical deformity. 
• The story takes place in a domed city. 
• There a race of invisible creatures.
• There are mutants(4). 
• Every time the word 'space' is inserted in front of a normal job title, for example Space Captain, Space Security Agent or Space Gynaecologist.     
• A seemingly villainous/sinister character actually turn out to be heroic.  

 Feel free to add any other suggestions in the comments below and please remember that 50 freedom fighters die every year from drunken teleportation accidents, so be safe.

 


1 I'm sorry but if you don't think Raymond Cusick deserves equal credit ask yourself why we're not demanding that the Voord come back for Doctor Who's 50th anniversary.
2 I deny all legal responsibility if you should attempt this while watching the entire first series of Blake's 7. 
3 It counts as a surprise even if the story has the word Dalek in the title or even in the case of Planet Of The Daleks when the Doctor is expecting to find them.  
4 You can also count the mutoids from Blake's 7 if you really want more liver damage.